Most of my stories, begin with.. “you wouldn’t believe it if I told you..” but I’m going to anyway..
And the truth has, shall and will set me free every time, as the response I most often hear is.. “Oh.. I believe you!! No one (not even you, Jenn) could make that $hi+ up!” Ha ha!
The inspiration for this blog begins with a charity gala and the need to bargain shop for a gown.. climaxes with an almost tragic turn of events.. (but bear through it folks.. I promise I’m okay now..) and this one does have a happy ending.
I just realized some of my verbiage in the previous paragraph and feel the need to clarify.. No massages were involved.. in case your mind was falling off in the gutter! ☺️
Anyhow.. back to the dress shopping.. Most of my friends use Rent the Runway.. and well.. that’s just not an option for me being the hot mess express I am for a multitude of reasons:
1) I cannot count on anything I haven’t tried on.. I like to think I have prominent lady-like curves.. not that I’m boody or booby-licious.. which is what a lot of the FB “creepers” refer to it as in the innappropriate messages they send until I can block them from all contact.. what I like to call “ex-terminate”.. a phrase I coined after a number of nasty breakups/stalkers/psychos.. and the need to block them from my phone, and then…
Oh.. here we go with the FB messager hate mail.. and don’t forget about Snapchat! (I’ve never been a twitter or a tweeter rather.. its too confusing for me), but even without a Twitter, it was a pain in my booty-liciousness 😏 because I had to individually block them from each app…
Suddenly, light bulb 💡 goes off in my ADD engulfed brain:
WHY don’t I just invent an app that deletes them from EVERYTHING AT ONCE.. I’ll call it the Ex-Terminator.. In fact, it’s such a great idea I’m sure I could get ole Arnold to do a little cameo for me and say.. “Hasta la Vista, baby! You’re ex-terminated.. and.. No.. I won’t be back!” ❌👍🏻
Turns out making an app is a lot harder than starting a blog so, here I am.. 🙌🏻
And besides all that, Arnold hasn’t returned any of my calls, YET! 🙄 (yes… that part IS a joke,) like I would ever expect a 😎 Terminator-Kindergarten Cop-Badass-Governor to call me back about an app idea.. 😕
But, in case you’re reading this Arnold.. (boys have a beep and girls have a beep..)
What?? No harm here.. It can’t bad for me to quote, since it’s from movie based around in Kindergarten class.. And 20 something years later people still think it’s funny! Well.. I’m pretty sure the pint-sized redheaded principal may still be a little bent out of shape over it.. 🙈 Now whose mind is in the gutter.. must I ex-terminate myself! Lol!
SQUIRREL!!!! My ADD is in full force today.. Very well.. On to the next reason a rental dress is not an option for me..
2) I can’t even make it through a morning (and by morning I mean walking to my car first thing) without spilling coffee on myself a few times.. much less make it through a dinner and cocktail hour without spilling something or snagging threads on a dress I’ve “rented” for the evening..
3) Furthermore, I would have to order at least 4 rentals to ensure I at least a 50 percent chance of finding one to fit my curves! Then.. My credit card 💳 would then get maxed out from the full payment charge of 4 👗👗👗👗dresses.. because I would NEVER remember to send them back!
My bank account is a lot less empty (still not full unfortunately) since the invention of Netflix downloads! I don’t think I ever returned any Red Box movie and was charged the full 29.99 every time. 🤔 I’m lucky I surround myself with friends that balance me.. particularly my friend Terri AKA my “handler!” Lol!
While Terri and I differ in a lot of ways, it’s a healthy balance (she’s the yin to my yang).. We both have big hearts and a love of bargain shopping which is where this story finally begins..
A trip to ROSS.. only to be continued.. til Is-Shoe #4!
SORRY NOT SORRY! I warned you in the first blog of my constant chatter.. Until next time.. Go find some GIRLBOSS bargains!
Tbe more likes this gets the quicker I’ll tell the rest of the story!
-Jenn with more is-shoes 👠 than Newsweek